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Video Games: A Time and Place

Its the weekend and my son is playing video games on his tablet. I ask him what he's playing and he explains with enthusiasm as well as he can that the airplanes need to land at home base without crashing and the routes get hard and harder.

"Cool. AirTraffic Control?" I respond.

"Yeah that one"

"Oh I like that one too... Honey? Can you turn it down? I can't hear myself think."

"Oh sorry, yeah"

We've had an ongoing agreement that digital media is off bounds during the week but on the weekend its our time to play and reap the rewards of our hard work executed during the week. A time where, if we have no commitments, I can binge on Netflix and he binges on games and YouTube. A time where our addictions are forgiven.

Since my son could barely walk he was interested in any digital interface presented to him. Mobile games fit perfectly in his little chubby hands with buttons that look like candy and he could spend hours silently watching videos … stressing the “silent”. But…this scared the shit out of me. It wasn't the behavior during it was the behavior after that freaked me out. When he didn't have the phone for more than an hour he became Angry Zombie, except instead of needing a hit of brain juice he needed a serious face full of digital candy. Then we'd end up in a literal tug of war over my phone. Not cute in public or private.

This behavior was familiar to me but in a literally bigger version. I love playing games. I don't have an addictive personality but I used to (and still can) play video games for HOURS. Recently a lot of League of Legends, previously a lot of WoW and before that Mario at any friend's house where I could get my hands on their Nintendo. 

As I’ve met other parents I’ve realized that there is a lot of fear surrounding video games and other digital media that is now instantly accessible because of the advances in technology. Understandable even if you come from a gaming background, the struggle on where to draw the line is real. The bottom line is this: Do not fear digital media including video games, youtube or movies. These things can be resources to your child's learning but you have to take control. They teach social behavior, strategic thinking, creativity and failure (my favorite). Fear a lack of real life balance. Don't forget school work, social manners, responsibilities around the home and especially general parent/child quality time.

The later you get started on setting clear boundaries the more diabolical they become. But don't worry, every child can be exorcised. Boundaries in the home are the foundation and will set you up for success everywhere else. Learning to go to a restaurant without needing the phone is a HUGE win and probably the most difficult but it teaches patience and manners. If its just my son and I then I'll usually bring a book and something to write in, he does the same. If he wants to play a game he has to play a game with me (tic tac toe is great). If he remotely pitches a fit while we're at the restaurant we leave. No exceptions. He learned early on as a toddler that it was funner to sit down with everyone than standing outside crying or going home. Above all else, get through the crying and sounds of dying that will come from their bodies. The worst thing you can do to jeopardize this learning process is false promises. DO NOT MAKE FALSE PROMISES. That will jack up you're entire operation. If you tell them they can play a game if they do something, let them play the game but be clear for how long. If you tell them they can't play a game, don't buckle and then figure you were wrong. You're wrong now because you lied and said they couldn't when really it meant they could. If you're not sure, then say you're not sure. If you have to think about it, tell them. Don't lie to them because then you're feeding the demon... and we don't want to feed the demon. The less you make false promises, the more your kids will trust your word.

I've treated my son the way I've wanted to be treated, including how I like my space and my interests. Maybe we're not perfect, but it's Sunday night and I surprise my son from behind with a hug and let him know he's got to get ready for bed when the big hand is on the 3. He smiles with my head cozied in his neck then quickly quickly at the clock "Okay mama". 


 Free mobile/tablet games that I think are awesome:
"Cut the Rope"
"Where's My Water"
"PBS Kids" (this is an app with multiple features and games)
"AirTraffic Control"
"Minecraft" (just my kid plays this but he gets so proud when he builds us a house..but it usually burns down on accident..."



Additional Reads:
http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2013/11/video-games.aspx
http://www.creativeteachingsite.com/videogames.htm
http://www.parentingscience.com/beneficial-effects-of-video-games.html
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/08/130821094924.htm

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