The Mama Gut-Rod Chronicles

Last night I was extremely hormonal (I’ll admit it). I had some crazy previous days and had been extremely happy and productive. At this point my highs were about to meet my lows. As soon as I pick up my kid from the YMCA, I’m not cheery and fun lovey mama. My son picked up on my crankiness and reaches over to start rubbing my back as I walk him to the car. “Want me to rub your back?” I look down and he’s got these adorable big eyes that wonder if his little hands are doing the trick. I let him know that I was feeling a little down. “Thank you baby that’s very sweet” It’s about as much endearment as I can muster. In the car, we are chock full of gear (lights, weed whacker, shoes) that all need to be returned to different stores. I’m ready to clean out my car quickly because it’s been like this for the last 3 days. “When we’re done can we buy me new shoes?” “No, I wanna go home” – bad mama “But my shoes are falling apart” – bad mama Deep sigh “okay b

Okay so she wasn’t entirely naked. She had on matching bra and undies, black. All the little old Korean ladies did. It’s a good thing too or else their clothes would be soaking wet with all this humidity. So anyways, I’m actually naked, sweaty and she tells me to lie down on the plastic table, which looks like it was recently washed from the last female client. I’m at a Korean bathhouse for the first time, excited and nervous. Most of all I’m ready to get manhandled like a piece of meat that needs salting and marinating. A couple of weeks ago a mom from my son’s martial arts class suggested we go. A new Angelina she has only been here for a short while but came across a goddessly spa experience she wanted to share with me. As she’s describing it in her beautiful Mexican accent, I’m super intrigued. “They scrub every inch of your body. Then they wash your hair. And you just lay  there. Jacuzzi, sauna, rooms with warm floors to take naps.” I’m sold “Whoooaa…LETS DO IT!

Six years ago I got a divorce from my son's father. It was a mutual decision and we even hugged in appreciation for the fact that we tried but ultimately it wasn’t going to work out. I was 22 years old and although I was aware of how young I was; fresh out of college with a one-year-old kid and two part time jobs, I was unaware of how to date and honestly didn’t feel like it. Up to that point I had only been in what I would consider 2 serious relationships. In fact my idea of being with someone was always serious.  It wasn't until my last serious relationship about 3 years ago that I turned a critical corner and realized  my priorities were all wrong.  QUICK SIDE NOTE: Let me just first say that luckily I don't have to worry about co-parenting, I'm very lucky for this. I don't have to worry about being criticized by an ex-lover for how I learned to get through the intimate relationship waters as a newly single parent but I did have to deal with my family's,

My kid walks in on me folding a full basket of laundry this weekend. “Can I have the Lunchable sandwich?” He’s talking about the premium Lunchable snack pack that isn’t just crackers, ham and cheese, it’s a mega cheese and turkey sandwich with pudding. I don’t buy junk food but Lunchables I buy on occasion as snacks for school. What can I say? imalazymama. “What? No. That’s for school” “PLEEEEASE MAMA!” Every parent, no matter how good you are at sticking to your word hears these cries begging for a different answer. The test of strength. Are you titanium? Or are you graphite? “No. Go away. I’m folding laundry” “MAMA! I’ll do ANYTHING!” I laugh out loud because I’ve never heard him say this before and respond with “Anything?” He gives me his best soldier’s salute and says, “Tell me what to do ma’am”. So cute, I choke up in pure hormonal mommy fashion. I look down at the laundry and smile, “Fold the entire basket of laundry. I’ll tell you where e